I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
