Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
