I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sober January is a disaster.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
