TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
