dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You're like the curious george of whores
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
