I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
