Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
