i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
