we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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