You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
