that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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