I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
