I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
