so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
