I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
