just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
