You smell like stripper and shame
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize