I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
