yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
