I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
