its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
