I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
