i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
