he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
