I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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