I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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