Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
