My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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