it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
