NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
a search helicopter?!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize