I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
