No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
