he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
