just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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