Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
