Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
