I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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