ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
