just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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