Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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