we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
