I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
