No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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