i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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