i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
