Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
