She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
