Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i will never coherently bang her
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
