I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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