the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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