M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
