my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
