dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
