So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
