was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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