the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
