Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize