dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
