Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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