thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
