She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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