You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
