I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
