did you get engaged???
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
