I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize