This dress was meant to end up on your floor
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize